Never knew I needed
by Jerkles
Summary: During/After 5x04. Just a little one-shot about Damon's feelings...


**A/N: Hey guys! I wrote this little one-shot after watching TVD 5x04, scene with Damon finding out about Bonnie's death really was something. So it just inspired me. I know it's nothing special but reviews would be nice, just to know what you think :)**

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_...No_

The small word passed my lips without thinking. Thousand different thoughts rushed through my mind in a mere second.

_The little witch, mighty Bonnie Bennett was dead. _

I averted my eyes from one thing to another aimlessly. I was lost; I think for once in my life I was totally lost. Sure, I tried to kill her once or twice but now when I read into the words Jeremy had said, I felt as the air left my lungs. Suddenly an image of her dead body at the 60's dance stood before my eyes.

_…Careful Damon. I might start to think that you actually care…_

She had said that with an amused smile and a glint in her cat like green eyes. She was willing to do everything to safe her best friend and in the end she sacrificed her life to save Elena's brother. She ended up being the savior, after all. But who would have thought it'd be so hard, especially for me.

..._her_ _petite body lying on the cold floor, light gone from her eyes, staring into nothing, blood tickling down her nose…_

"You can't just bring somebody back from the dead. There is always a price to pay for it" Jeremy stated looking at me. Suddenly an unexplainable rage overcame me

"Don't say it Jeremy don't you dare" I hissed glaring at me. How could he say something like that so easily? He had known it for so long, and just let the others have fun, when Bonnie was dead.

"She didn't show up to her dad's funeral, Damon" He tried to reason with me. Taking a deep unnecessary breath, I averted my eyes, it was downing to m slowly. She indeed was gone. I felt a strange tingling in my eyes "Nobody has spoken to her all summer"

"You say it and everything in Elena's life goes to crap" I blurted out. Trying to convince Jeremy and myself why I felt this way. Why did this strange sorrow and sadness overtake me? One judgy witch more or less. But it wasn't just a witch. It was _the _witch. Bonnie Bennett

_…Despite all her power how fragile she felt in my arms when we danced. Just a brave little girl. Softly tracing her cold face with my fingers, I slowly closed her eyes, like she was made of porcelain and would break in my hold. Picking her up, I tightly clutched her to my chest. After placing her inside my car's trunk I softly closed it, without looking at her. The little witch's dead, cold body was beyond uncomfortable…_

"Do you understand me? Everything changes" I stated feeling dread inside of me. I felt like every organ of my system was under a huge pressure; like I've received the biggest aneurysm ever. "Don't" I mumbled. No, this just wasn't happening. Just after we all thought all the bad was behind.

"Bonnie's dead"

With these two little words everything crumbled. Nothing would ever be the same again. It was like a truck had hit me. Something turned in the pit of my stomach.

"Damn it, Jeremy. You relies what you just did?" I asked with a hoarse voice. Why did it hurt so much? I didn't know where to go, what to do with this unsettling pain. "Why would you say that?" I growled and turned to face the other way. Every muscle in my body was tensed beyond possible. Why did she do that? Why couldn't she be selfish for once in her damned life? Why was it so hard just to leave it alone? Why play hero every single time?

…_idiot. Freaking fool. How could she be so selfish? Just when everything was going so well, she just had to die, spoil it all. And leave her best friends alone…That strange feeling of anger, rage…betrayal …_

"I'm sorry" I felt my face twist "People need to know" _they don't need to know anything. If they find out, it will become the truth, I'm so afraid of. _Without thinking I turned around and approaching him, I hugged Jeremy.

…_"I could actually hug you right now, where have you been?" I asked and wrapped my arms around her little figure heard her sigh. Relief washed over me. _

_"I know how to bring Jeremy back" she said with a soft smile, I saw rarely on her face. Hope glimmering in her eyes. _

I hugged Jeremy despite knowing that he didn't need support, he had known she was dead all summer. It was for me. For some odd reason I needed it. I felt like I was about to break down like a little girl. The pain was just unbearable.

…_She was never supposed to die…_

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I didn't really remember getting home, neither the ceremony itself, just holding Elena as she cried. I looked at my reflection in our bathroom. Good she was deep asleep and didn't hear when I sprang up in the middle of the dream. Rubbing my sweaty forehead I headed downstairs. Pouring some Bourbon, I turned around to take a seat but was frozen on the spot. There she was. Sitting on the couch, in my house, with her head in her hands. Clutching the glass tighter in my hand I whispered in a hoarse voice

"Bonnie" I think, it's the first time I had ever addressed her with the name. She looked up at me with those big green eyes.

"Damon" She said, more asked. Her voice softer than I remembered. But why, how could I see her? Was it a dream or hallucination?

"What are you doing here?" I asked confused and approached her. _Seriously? The best thing you can come up with?_

"How come you see me?" She asked standing up.

"Does it really matter?" I replied and sat down instead.

"Yeah, of course it does" she demanded. _Judgy, as always. _I felt as a little smile tugged at my lips.

"Not for me it doesn't" I snapped back. It felt like she wasn't dead and I didn't suffer from it at all. Without replaying she sat back beside me. For a few minutes, which felt like centuries, we were silent.

"How did it happen?" I stated calmly

"I needed to bring Jeremy back" She said trying to seem strong.

"Fool" I hissed under my breath, but she seemed to heard me.

"Excuse me?" She exclaimed "You should be thanking me that Elena was this cheerful all summer" The little witch spat

"And now what? She's lost her best friend, you are dead and you want me, us to be happy?" I growled glaring at her.

"I had to" she murmured hanging her head.

"Had to? You didn't have to do anything, Bennett. Especially, not after what you've done so far" I was so angry, I was ready to slap her just to show her, make her understand that she'd done enough, more than enough. It was time to be selfish, for once. Not to think about others. "You couldn't be nosier, now could you?!"

"You're talking like I wanted to die. To your surprise I didn't Damon. I wanted to live, to watch my parents see me off to college. Meet new people, laugh with my friends, get married have children. Not watch everyone dear to me die from the other side. Do you know how hard it is to b ignored to stand there without anyone knowing? I can't deal with my death; I want to live more than anything" She said with a couple of tears on her cheeks. Harshly putting the glass on a nearby, I thoughtlessly rushed ahead and caged her in my arms. Hastily she wrapped her petite arms around my waist and sobbed. I caressed her raven hair and soothed

"I'll find a way to bring you back. I promise"

"Thank you" She whispered back. And in a moment she was gone from my embrace.

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**A/N: So, that's it I guess :) Review please ;)**


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